Saturday, July 23, 2011

Followup Post to "Married Moms Feeling Like Single Parents"

Yesterday's post - "Married Moms Feeling Like Single Parents" - brought in quite a bit of thoughtful conversation both on the blog and on Twitter.


I thought I would share some of those thoughts and comments with the rest of our readers.


Feel free to chime in on the conversation and share this and our previous post on Facebook and Twitter.


From Love and Bugs:


I have felt like a single mom at times too. Then again, I'm sure being a single mom is even more challenging than what I've gone through so I learn to just appreciate the little help that I get from time to time.


From Dallas Single Mom:


Being a single mom is a hard life especially if the ex or the child's father doesn't help financially, emotionally or is completely out of the picture. Here's my advice as a single mom that gets questions from married moms who go through the same thing.

1) Have a serious conversation with your husband about the amount of work you have and stress. (Yes, he may be traveling and working hard but you are too).

2) Co parenting is essential for your husband. He needs quality father time with the kids. He shouldn't be out golfing or hanging with friends when he's home from traveling and should be spending valuable, quiet kid time with the kids - Prepare the kids for quiet, relaxing kid time with dad (books, movies, tv) - then you can get things done without interference from hubby & kids

3)Money & Finances - Single moms have the added burden of wondering how to stretch more of their income to provide for the children. Remember a single mom spends about 34% of her income on childcare in addition to household expenses. Consider yourself a little lucky to be home (no childcare expenses) or parting with only 12% of your combined incomes on childcare. This is a stressful area and financial counseling may ease that for families.

4) Tap into your loneliness - Do you miss your husband? That makes sense if he's gone all the time. I have many friends that try to plan outings with their partner when they come home only to have them come home and either not want to go or not fully engaged in the activity. Then my friends are upset because they spent all this time planning and they feel unappreciated by their spouses. So spice up your text message life & remind him how proud you are of him, how much respect you have for him for providing and working hard. Engage in adult talk with friends or activities that's not all kid related.

5) Plan, plan and plan some more. That's the best way to organize and prioritize. Don't get down on yourself if the house is always messy OR if you haven't completed something. Start small, the accomplishments add up and boost your confidence.

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